


We’re Walking the Wire, Love

by Point_of_no_return



Series: Sex Bloopers [15]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Plug, Blow Jobs, Dominance, Double blooper - you'll see, M/M, Oops, Rimming, Romantic Fluff, Sex Toys, Sexy song lyrics, Unplanned fisting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 00:55:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20612252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Point_of_no_return/pseuds/Point_of_no_return
Summary: David and Patrick get home from their awesome concert date and some sex play ensues.  Also, David “loses” a sex toy, you’ll have to read to figure that one out. This is a nod to a friend, btw.This is a strong E, but there’s a lot of love and affection.





	We’re Walking the Wire, Love

**Author's Note:**

> **Oh, I'll take your hand when thunder roars**   
**And I'll hold you close, I'll stay the course**   
**I promise you from up above**   
**That we'll take what comes, take what comes, love**   
**We're walking the wire, love**   
**\- Imagine Dragons**

“Baby, you turn me on so much, when you wear that.” David is giving sloppy, dirty kisses all over Patrick’s neck. 

David removes the shirt Patrick was wearing to the Imagine Dragons concert. “Off off off...nngh!” 

“Mmhmm, maybe I’ll wear it every time we go to a concert from now on, especially if I know when the lead singer keeps his shirt off the entire damn time. Did you know he didn’t once put on a shirt? The entire set.”

“Shh, baby, you know Dan Reynolds doesn’t hold a candle to you. How could he? You are the only one who can make my dick bounce just by winking at me.”

Patrick winks, just then.

“See? And did you feel that? That was all you.”

“Well, still, it was distracting.”

“Ohh, and here I thought we went to the concert because you wanted me to feel ‘on top of the world.’”

Patrick smiles. He knows this game. They play it after every concert they’ve ever been to. “I do what it takes.”

David grins into the kiss, happily knowing Patrick picked up on it. He continues to undress Patrick and then...ohhh... there it is.

A quick _tap, tap, tap. _

He pushes Patrick down on the bed, on his stomach, and then in his best sexual dominating way, strips himself of his jeans and underwear revealing his throbbing and hungry cock. 

David salivates as he looks down at the black and white ombré plug that is sitting perfectly inside Patrick’s ass. It’s the one with the intricately cut and polished rose on top.

Patrick will wear this particular plug out when he wants to play up the bedroom scene for when they get home. David instantly gets turned on when he finds out about it and he had a feeling it was there when he grabbed Patrick’s ass during one of Imagine Dragon’s biggest tracks, ‘Thunder’ because at one point in their relationship, David had drunkenly named Patrick’s ass cheeks “lightning” and “thunder” and somehow it was the most titilating thing David had ever said to him in the bedroom. It just stuck.

So when the song came on and the gigantic screens showed a breathtaking display of lightning bolts shooting across to the other ones, and the mood in the room was electric, David squeezed the thick flesh on ‘thunder’ through Patrick’s jeans. This one maneuver sent Patrick into somewhat of a pleasured yelp and jolt that vibrated over to David’s crotch. Luckily, the whole room was singing and in their own world to notice what was happening between these two lovers. 

David had whispered, “My, Patrick. What on Earth could make you react that way?” He glided his hand just a tad to the center of Patrick’s jeans which were tight enough that David’s investigating skills weren’t needed much in the process. “Well, what have we here?”

Patrick’s ears tinged a soft rose color as he lifted up his Blue Moon draft to his perfect pink lips and a bright smile stretched across his face, looking away from David all the while. It was enough for David to lean in and kiss the spot under Patrick’s ear that was always a sure way to turn him on. And sure enough, it did. 

“How _dare_ you.” Patrick said in his serious, teasing voice.  


“Oh no, Patrick, how dare _you_. We will have to have a talk about _this_ later.” David motions with a finger pointedly.  


“Will we?”

Such a brat.

“Hey...David..

David....where did you go?”

“Whu-huh?”

“Just now, where were you?” Patrick is resting on his elbows and looking over his shoulder at his gorgeous man with the angry cock staring at him. 

“Oh, uh, nowhere. Just kind of mesmerized by what I’m looking...uhm...at.”

“Well, David,” Patrick leans up into David, in full naked glory, “why don’t you...’make me a believer?’”

David shoves himself against Patrick and the same goes for their mouths which is a tangle of tongues and lips. Little bites to each other’s lips. It’s one sloppy mess, but their cocks are leaking for each other and the game is still on, and this round is when David punishes Patrick for not telling him about the plug.

“First of all...I don’t know what that means, but this body of yours...is ‘radioactive.’ Positively, one hundred percent ‘all systems go.’” It’s all said in a whisper at Patrick’s mouth as David hovers his body over Patrick and surrounds Patrick’s body with his strong arms and hands. It’s hot and Patrick relishes in being the submissive tonight.   
  


“I feel it in my bones,” he whispers at Patrick’s mouth even more. “Enough to make my systems...blow.”  
  


Patrick pushes into David’s mouth more forcefully, getting his arm free to wrap around Davids neck, pushing them up to their knees with ease and their cocks moving against one another. His other hand ruts up Davids chest. His tounge forces its way in to massage David’s and Patrick really really loves the thickness of his husband’s tongue. He continues to push into David so that they are touching thighs to chest. They're panting hungrily. Like David is a snack he can’t refuse. It’s as if Patrick has taken over now, actually.   
  


“Is this _my_ game, or _yours_, Patrick?”

“Mmm, you’re right. Sorry sir. I’ll be good.”

“That’s what I thought. Get the fuck back down on your stomach.”

Patrick does what he is told and David moves over him, guides a pillow under Patrick’s thighs for his comfort and also to take a better look at the plug when he spreads lightning and thunder. Perhaps there should be a name for the rose plug...something like, Zeus. David loves that idea. 

David allows a few drops of their Bergamot oil David warmed up from the store around the plug and hears the moans coming from his husband. David moves the plug all around with the oil, massaging it around his hole and pulls it out gently. Patrick lets out the most perfect “Ahh!” As the last of it pops out. 

“You’re a ‘Natural’ Patrick Rose.”

Patrick lets a small giggle fill the room.

“I’m going to make you feel so good, baby. You just relax. I’m just loving your ‘perfect paradise’ but what do I know, I’m just a- ‘bad liar.’” David licks the oil in a circular fashion, spreading his cheeks, Patrick’s gorgeous pale flesh.   


“Aaoooohh, David, yesyesyes. Right there”  


David kisses to the right, then left, then center. Patrick requests for it again. David complies and kisses just like that at his pretty pink hole and gets Patrick even more aroused, if that’s possible. 

“Patrick, ‘I wanna chain you up, I wanna tie you down, I'm just a sucker for pain.’”

“‘Got me begging, begging, begging, begging,’” Patrick says into the pillow.

“Daviiid...please...”

“What is it, my love? My _good_ boy?”

“David, please, I need you. I want to touch you. Please.”

“Since you asked so nicely.” David turns Patrick over in the most sensual, loving way and Patrick’s feels this down to his bones. 

He grabs David’s neck and whispers to him, “Will you please put the vibrator in me while I blow you? Please, sir?” Those pouting honey brown eyes will one day be the death of David. 

“Okay. Since you’re being so good, not touching yourself, I’ll let it slide. Mmm, so to speak.” David does a small shimmy towards Patrick.

David grabs the small, silver vibrator Patrick loves so much and more of the Bergamot oil, not only does the oil work for a lube, but the scent is so enchanting. No matter if they’re cooking or using it for play, it’s their favorite scent and sometimes David will wear it as a cologne for the day just to tease Patrick. 

He returns quickly to the bed where Patrick holds him tightly and kisses his passionately and to an inch of his life. David eventually has to come up for air. David falls to the mattress and Patrick straddles his thighs. David doesn’t need to work Patrick open, but he loves feels his eager hole waiting for its prize.

David slaps thunder just a few times while he has the ability and right angle. Then he slaps lightning. Each hit sounds exactly like a thunder clap. David glides the vibratory inside of Patrick and Patrick gives a little mewling sound as it hits that spot that feels so so amazing. 

Patrick backs up and angles his body to the right so David can play with the vibrator and press the buttons while Patrick gives him a thorough deep- throating.

He positions himself over David and dances his thick tongue around the tip and licks one big stripe from base to head. 

“Davidddd....you’re so perfect. This dick is magnificent. Mmmmm.” He licks another stripe and feels David buck his hips. Then he takes him in deep, balls deep. 

Patrick uses his mouth to suck and pull and then adds his hand and pulls off knowing how to continue to the game. “ I never knew anybody til I knew you, David, and I know when it rains, oh, it pours. I know I was born to be yours.”

“Yeah, yeah, baby, you’re mine.”

“I’m yours.” He takes David thoroughly down his throat again. Slurping. Sucking. Licking. Devouring. He can’t have enough of his husbands smooth, slick dick. 

All the while, David is pushing and pulling the vibrator and adjusting the level of vibration. He feels Patrick doing that wiggle he always does when David is playing with the vibrator in his ass. It’s so...so..so...

Wait. Fuck. 

Panic just thrums through David’s body, dick still at full attention though. 

_Maybe I can...  
_

“Oooh, David, whatever you’re doing, don’t stop.”

_As if that’s the problem_. _Shit. Fuck!   
_

“Mmm, David. Oh that’s so good. Oh, babe.”

David holds the vibrator, slick fingers from the oil, and the vibrator is still in grasp until...Patrick does that wiggle again and...there it is...completely out of grasp. Whatever part he was holding up has been swallowed up whole. 

_Shit. I should have stopped him. It just feels really good_._ That gorgeous mouth.   
_

David presses all around to try and fish the vibrator from Patrick’s ass, but it’s definitely lodged inside now and it would be useless to let a good blow job go to waste because of a small mishap.

“Oh, Patrick. There. There, there, there. Don’t stop.” He works David quicker and with fervor. Patrick uses as much gusto to finish the job and when he is done and has swallowed David down down down, he lifts up and wipes the excess come on his arm. A purely satisfied look David takes in before he has to go back to his task and relay the news. 

“David, are you okay?” Concern flows through Patrick as he notices the full euphoria that is not across David’s face as is per usual. 

“From the second I started, ‘it seems you had a loaded gun’....Am I right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m- that was great. You were fantastic. Without question. I just need a second.” David gives a slight huff of a laugh and Patrick turns to him as he rests his head on David’s hip, catching his breath, and Patrick must really be enjoying the vibration coursing through his ass and possibly up through his spine. 

“Is something funny, David?” A small teasing wiggle towards David.

“Yeah, Patrick, ‘I'm so sorry,’ but we may have to cut the game a little short. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Oh. Okay. Should I be worried?”

“Well...”

“David just say it.”

“So I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault here, we were just having fun, but that vibrator is in you.”  


“Duh, David, that’s the point.”

“No, Patrick. It’s like, _in_ you.”

“What?!” Realization sweeps over Patrick’s face and David sees the color vanish from his skin.

“Patrick, it will be okay. The games are done. I’m going to take care of you, but in order to get this out, I need you to lay on your back, with a pillow under your hips and I’ll work you open until I get it out, okay? But I need you to trust me, baby. Can you relax and let me take care of you?”

Patrick looks to be spiraling, but David rubs soothingly at Patrick’s thighs and arms and back.

“Lie down, baby. I got you.”  


David puts on a relaxing playlist from Spotify, slips the pillow under Patrick and lifts his thighs up. David has to hold back a laugh because it’s fully engulfed inside Patrick and he really will need to get maneuvering.  


“Okay, just relax, listen to the music, and take deep breaths. We are going to get through this and I’ll use a lot of lube. The good news is, it really can’t go far.”  


“Hmm. Okay. So...so what’s the bad news?”  


“What do you think, Patrick? Your ass ate the vibrator and I have to fish it out.”  


Patrick starts to laugh and the vibrator shifts a little and he gives a startled. “Ohhh!”  


“Yeah, no laughing. So if you need to do that, get it out now, because I have to be like mother fucking Magellan and get this fucker to come out.”

Patrick laughs again. “Magellan.” Patrick snorts again.  


“Yeah, and I’m happy to be the first explorer, but it’s going to suck, literally, if you keep laughing.”  


_What a relief. He is laughing. Maybe this won’t be such a nightmare._  


“Okay, Okay, David. Mum is the word. I’ll just lie back.”

“Okay, honey.”

David presses around the perineum and can actually feel a little vibration, it’s really in there. There’s no turning back, David slicks up his fingers with the less expensive lube and works his finger in, then another, and then two more. He finally can feel the buttons and switches the vibrator off. He can tell Patrick is both relieved and and saddened by this as he gives a little moan and groan. 

“How is it going in there?”

“I’m getting there. Just keep trying to relax.” David knows it has been over 45 minutes and with each passing second on the clock he feels like he is losing it, but he takes normal breaths and unwavers in his unexpected assignment. He knows he has been pressing and pushing on Patrick’s prostate and any other erogenous places inside of him. It’s pretty easy to tell by the way Patrick has been responding. But even too much stimulation can be a rough and draining endeavor. 

David presses some kisses to Patrick’s unattended cock and also kisses along his thigh, peppering little smooches of comfort and love. 

He successfully works four fingers inside of Patrick and still he needs his thumb to complete the task. He can tell Patrick is getting tired and David has only one shot to get this right, so finally he gets all five fingers inside and can propitiously grasp the vibrator that turned, somehow, someway, perpendicular inside of Patrick. David turns the vibrator around to come straight out and then brings it out of Patrick. 

A relieved sigh pours out of Patrick’s mouth he didn't know he had been holding in and his arm comes around over his face, hiding him from the embarrassment. 

“There, my love. No, hey, don’t do that. I’m just glad we got it out.” David says proudly. 

“You got it out, you take such good care of me, David. I love you.” 

David kisses Patrick on his sensitive spots and turns Patrick over to rim him for a while. David feels increasingly regretful as he sees how raw and red Patrick is. He also strokes Patrick over and over using the Bergamot again until he comes. Continuing the after-care, David warms a towel and soothes it over Patrick’s overworked hole, over thunder and lightning, and Patrick’s chest where excess come was left. 

He gets Patrick’s favorite blue cotton shirt and his silk pj bottoms and dresses Patrick into them. “Thank you for letting me take care of you. For trusting me that I had you.”

“How could I not trust you? You’re my selfless husband, and how did you put it? The 'Magellan' of my ass?” Patrick lets out another light chuckle, but David is way too traumatized to find this situation even remotely funny.  
  
David snuggles up behind Patrick and wraps his comforting arms around him, flushed by now with Patrick’s words. David retorts. “Well, I’ll tell you one thing, I think I 'made you a believer' that we need to invest in larger vibrators so that doesn’t happen again.”

“Yeah, David, I guess we finally fulfilled your fantasy of getting to fist me after all.”  


“Yeah, would we call that fisting? I would call that search and rescue.”

“Whatever you say, babe.”

“Although, I would be open to that when I’m not in full panic mode.”  


“True. Well I’d say we were ‘walking the wire’ tonight. Would you agree, David?”  


“I agree,” laughing that Patrick is still playing. He finally concedes. “Goodnight Patrick. You won the game. You always win.”  


Patrick holds David’s arms, Patrick's small spoon to David's big spoon tonight. They drift off to sleep. Later in the night, Patrick has a nightmare that the vibrator couldn’t be dislodged and got stuck so far up that he is rushed to the hospital where Dan Reynolds is his doctor. The only reassuring part of it is that Dan is still not wearing a shirt which is a happy distraction during the extraction. When he has the nightmare, David is there to rock Patrick gently, shush him, and to tell a sweet bedtime story of two business partners who fell in love and travelled to Sydney, Australia where they cuddled with Koala Bears and surfed the sunny beaches for their honeymoon. 

The end. 

**Author's Note:**

> Literally could not sleep, been thinking about..stuff...you know. David and Patrick. 
> 
> I had this pop into my head and had to get it out to the world. No beta this time, so I apologize for errors! So happy to have these sex bloopers and that we all take care of the characters Dan Levy created. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! xoxo


End file.
